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Monday, January 30, 2012

New Year's Eve. Not So Dream Date...Part II


Continued from last week: 

  I responded, “Oh per l'amore di Pete che posso pensare di cose migliori di fare di prende a prestito il denaro da lei. Come deruba una banca.”
            Delores looked at me. And put her hands on her hips. “Well, you don’t have to be so nasty. Get yourself out of the window.”
            “Okay, if you want any more free samples from Henry, you’d better help me, because I’m stuck.”
            I was stuck. My hips were caught in the window. It was small, but I was just a bit too wide. I’m sure if I stayed there long enough I could wiggle through, but I needed to get this job done. My sisters looked at each and other and pulled me through, before all the blood could rush to my head. Then how would they explain to our parents, I died in a night club window, in the ladies room hanging upside down. Another strange Russo death. I could see the headlines now. “Woman found dead in window, as she tried to sneak into nightclub.”
            They tugged and I broke free. They didn’t catch me as I came through, and let me crash to the floor. I looked up at them, and said, “Okay, which one of you is going to lend me your skirt?”
            Just then my BFF, Gabby came in looking for Delores and Jeanine, and she was wearing my favorite little black dress, which by the way looked better on her then me. From the floor, I also noticed she was wearing my favorite Sam Edelman Novato black and white striped heels. They made her legs look fabulous.
            I looked up at her stunned face, “You look great. You’ve obviously changed.”
         “Oh, when you left, we went back up stairs and I borrowed this because I didn’t bring anything for clubbing.” She smiled. “You’re okay with it.”
            I snorted, “Oh, yeah.”
          It was alright. We did that all the time as roomies. We trusted each other, but she looked so damn good in my stuff, it almost made me hate her.
            She frowned, “What are you doing here? And what are you doing on the floor? I thought you were working.”
            “As it turns out the person we’re following came in here, and as you can see I’m not dressed to impress.” Then it struck me. “Gabby I need to borrow my borrowed dress from you.” I stood up, and smoothed my rumbled appearance, “It’s just for a short while and then you can borrow my dress back.”
            She looked puzzled. “Sure. Where’s your boss?”
            I pointed a thumb in the direction of the window, “He’s in the alley getting dirty.” 
            My sister Lucinda came in and stopped. She just stared at me as Gabby and I started to strip down throwing clothes at each other hurrying to change. 
            "Block the door." I said. No it was more like a order.
            "Why?" Lucinda asked. She was always one of those annoying children who asked 'why' a dozen times like a broken record, before some one hit her upside the head. Adulthood or loosing her virginity in a very public way in the back of Vito Greco old bright pink Gremlin, did nothing to change that habit. 
            Lucinda guarded the door by telling girls to wait just a minute unless they wanted to be fumigated by a very sick person, who stunk up the place. It worked for the five minutes it took for us to swapped out clothes. 
          Delores and Jeanine went and got Gabby a drink to keep her company while she hid out in the restroom. I went out on to the dance floor and tried to hide the mini video camera in my and hand, as I danced through the crowd to find our blond bombshell. It took almost an hour to find her. When I did she was dancing her heart out with some really good looking dude. I started to dance, with no one and bring the camera up and down in an effort to catch her. When a light flashed on this good looking guy, and I realized it was Fireman Frank. Shit. And he was dancing with the blond bombshell! He must have been in the city already when he called! Another missed opportunity.
            He turned and caught me with the camera looking right at him. He stopped and stared at me like he’d seen a ghost. The blond started to scream and point at me like I was some diseased crazy. I tried to turn around and dance my way off the floor when I found myself face to face with the very big chested bouncer. I looked up at him, and could only see angry eyes squeezing through his very round face.
  He grabbed my arm and said roughly, “Come with me.”
  Of course I argued, “WHY!?” I was turning into Lucinda. 
  “Because we don’t allow cameras.”
  “I didn’t know that.” Oh am I going to hell for that lie.  
I tried to pull away, to escape. I slipped from his tight hold and ran in my Sam Edelman Novato heels towards the bathroom camera in hand. Do you know how hard it is to run in a tight short black dress in those shoes!? When I realized there was a big ruckus behind me. Fireman Frank had tried to keep the bouncer from following me. I tripped, over a waitress carrying a tray of drinks. Booze went everywhere including all over my favorite little black dress and down my legs into my way to expensive heels. Me, the waitress and booze were rolling around on the floor. As I scrambled to get up, I was apprehended by another bouncer, who definitely needs to go on a diet. He roughly pulled me up to stand on my feet. I slammed my pointed heel into his foot, he hollowed like a little boy, and I ran. Do you know how hard it is to run in heels!? I was certain I couldn’t keep it up long. I was yelling out for my sister’s names, giving them instructions to tell Gabby to meet me at home, when out of nowhere another bouncer stepped in front of me. This guy grabbed me around the waist and lifted me off the ground as he tried to wrestle the camera out of my hand.
            The Russo’s always stick together. Delores came up and threw a cosmo in the bouncers face, and down she went by way another bouncer. Lucinda was hitting the biggest bouncer. She had to jump up and down to continue to slap him in the head with her little clutch purse. The problem, her cell phone flew out and hit Fireman Frank in the eye, causing him to go to his knees. Soon we were surrounded and being dragged out of the club. The camera was confiscated, all the contents erased and the police were called because Lucinda caused an injury of a not so innocent bystander, Fireman Frank, and Delores' aim with the cosmo was pretty good. Jeanine just fought with everyone. She's quit the scrapper. The threat was to charge Lucinda with assault with a deadly cell phone and me with deadly Sam Edelman Novato heels, because apparently the bouncer was now limping.   
           It didn’t take long and we were on our way to the Manhattan Precinct, handcuffed in the back of a patrol car. Unfortunately it was my cousin Natalie Boyle, who cuffed me up. She's never forgiven for dying her red hair, bright pink one summer  in a attempt to make her blond, when we were thirteen. She was getting way to much pleasure out of cuffing me tightly.  I prayed my brother was working, because I was certain Natalie would have the biggest organism of her life, doing the paper work to see me sent up the river for the rest of my life, for crippling a bouncer’s toe.  
P.I Sean followed with Gabby riding on the back of his motorcycle in my original outfit. Fireman Frank was let go at the scene and told to go home and never come back, because he was a fireman, who now had a black swollen eye from Lucinda's cell phone, which slid away into the dark. She tried to get it back by crawling on her hands and knees in a her little purple sequined dress, but was dragged away by now a very pissed off big guy.  
At the precinct we were thrown in the drunk tank with all the other drunk women, who were puking up the night's celebration. The prostitutes kept asking where I got my dress and demanded to know who was my pimp daddy and what corner I patrolled. We all sang hip hop songs together, wished each other a Happy Fucking New Year and decided to braid each others hair. As the ball dropped in Time Square, I sat in a holding cell with my sisters who were whaling like professional mourners, covered in cosmo that caused my thighs to stick together. The cell got pretty crowded as the night wore on. One by one, I said my good-byes to my new friends as they were released. We promised to stay in touch. Especially the ladies of the night, they wanted to keep up on Henry's fashion advice, and be the best dressed hookers on the street. 
My brother, Mario finally showed up early in the morning, with Serpico in tow, with big bags under eyes, and smelling like he had a better time than we did. Mario decided we needed to spend the night in jail. They both just stood there staring at us. Me in my very short borrowed black dress that was mine, my hair a nappy sticky mess, and my sisters looking like they were part of the some Halloween party that required smudged blackened make-up. Jeanine with a big pink stain down the front of my shirt. Off to the side, Natalie had arrived smiling. With her hat off, I could see she had a botched hair cut, I assumed from my mom's salon. It's always about the hair with her. Farà esso mai finisce. 
No charges were filed, because of Mario, Pops, Serpico, numerous uncles and cousins. Natalie argued the point, deciding we all needed to go through the system, to teach us a lesson. Natalie was always big on lessons. Like the time she taught me to ride my bike down a steep hill while camping, only to slam into a tree, loose two front teeth and break my wrist. The lesson, don't listen to Natalie.
"I've got a lesson for you Natalie, stay away from the Russo's when it comes to your hair."  I reminded her as I left. I just had to flip my nappy sticky red hair over my shoulder as I stumbled out the door in Sam Edelman Novato heels, nearly falling and breaking something else.
The whole situation would go away, but it would be the one and only time we were lectured. Mario also said he wouldn’t tell our mother, because it would kill her to know "ALL" her daughters spent the night in jail and were now criminals, but he would tell Pops so he could kill us. I knew mom would find out. Natalie would tell every Boyle from Chicago to New York, she just couldn't resist.   
We called a cab and had to get a hand out from Serpico because none of us any money. The four of us piled in looking like the hell we put ourselves through. When I arrived at Henry’s, Gabby greeted us at the door with big hugs, coffee and bagels. All I wanted to do was sleep. All I had when I arrived home was my little black dress, and Sam Edelman Novato heels, not even a jacket. I was freezing. Gabby fortunately had my cell phone, but the camera was gone. There went my bonus.  
I slept until afternoon. When I woke, my sisters had cleaned up and gone home to face the family. I was lucky I lived in Manhattan and could hide. P.I Sean showed up and to hear I lost the camera, but we had a witness in Fireman Frank, if he'd every talk to me again.  No bonus and possibly no pay, because his account was empty as mine.
BFF went home the next day. Mom found out from her brother, Natalie's dad and called and screamed at me that I've ruined the Russo and Boyle name and I was killing her. She's been claiming that for a long time, but has managed to survive me and my sisters this long. True to form Natalie couldn't keep her mouth shut. Now we're the jail birds of the clan, besides my cousin Timothy whose in prison in Illinois, but no one talks about him. Henry came home to hear the tale, and worried over my ruined clothes, but said he get the stain out of the shirt Jeanine borrowed.   
Oh, P.I Sean just called we've got another case.   
           

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