This is the first New Year’s Eve
I’m single in three years. Last year I was with sexually confused Adam, who promptly
dumped me, shortly thereafter. So this New Year’s I’m excited to be unattached and
ready to party without a care in the world. Let me rephrase that, I do have a
care. My bank account is at the same digit as the temperature outside, which I’m
working to forget to enjoy the evening.
My sisters, Delores, Lucinda and
Jeanine arrive at my cousin Henry’s apartment, where I now reside, due to a fire
that burnt up my life. Okay, time to think positive. Henry has gone to Venice
Italy with his new boyfriend to ring in the New Year. They invited me, but
there are two reasons I couldn’t go. Number 1, I don’t have any money. Number
2, I still don’t have any money. So I’m home in Manhattan ready to spend the
evening with my three loopy sisters, their two friends, Tina and Joyce, and my
BFF, Gabby visiting from South Carolina. The plan, or at least mine and Gabby’s,
Time Square, watch the ball, and then find a place to eat, because of the money
thing. Sisters and their friends are going clubbing, because they believe they
are independently wealthy. I think the real truth is they plan on meeting
someone in the square who will foot their bill. Not willing to go down that
road and BFF is living with her boyfriend. We opted for trying to squeeze into
a crowded eatery.
The evening starts off with
take-out Chinese, drinks, Delores and Jeanine fighting over the fact they are
both wearing the same bargain teal shirt. Finally, I talked Jeanine into
wearing a sample designer shirt Henry gave me (he works in the fashion
industry). It pained me do so, because I know I’ll never see it again. It was
worth it to end the argument about to turn in to a cat fight that included
sharp objects from the kitchen.
We finally get out the door, and
who should be waiting out front, but my new boss, P.I Sean. He grabs me, and
says, “I need you to work tonight.”
“Work!?” I spat.
“Yes, work. We’ve got a big job
to follow a woman. Her insurance company is trying to catch her cheating on her
disability.”
P.I Sean looked over at six pairs
of eyes ogling his very cute self. “It’s a big pay day if we catch her.”
“I’m your assistant, not a P.I.”
I rolled my eyes, “You couldn’t call me sooner?”
“I wasn’t sure it was going to
happen today, and when it did, I just came over here, because I need you to be
my date. Or pretend to be my date.”
I sighed, “its New Year’s Eve,
per
l'amore di Pete, lei l'idiota.” Good thing he doesn’t understand Italian. “You’ve
got to be kidding.”
“Really I need you.”
Okay, no boy, man or boss has
ever said that to me. “Do I get paid?”
He smirked, “Hell ya, of course.
It’s over time.”
He better mean it or I’ll get
Tony the Squid on him, or better yet, Nona. I looked over at the girls and let out a big
fat exasperated breath, “Okay. This better be worth it.” I shook a finger at
him, “The only reason I’m going with you is because I so desperately need
money.” I continued to shake my finger, “I know people.”
P.I Sean laughed as he pulled me
towards his motorcycle, “Oh, I bet you do.”
I told Gabby I’d call when this
was over, and handed her the key to Henry’s as Sean motioned for me to climb
behind him. This time I had on flat boots. No fear of ruining another pair of
shoes. We stopped in front of an apartment building just around the block. We
stood in the darkened doorway of the building across the street. Soon a woman
came out, all glamed up for the evening in stilettos, a very short dress, I
caught a glimpse of as she buttoned up coat. She pulled from the collar, long
golden locks of hair. Sean pulled out a video camera and stared to film as he
told me to face him as if we were in an embrace.
“Look like your trying to stay
warm.”
It wasn’t too far off the mark, I
was freezing.
“What’s the problem she’s limping?” I’d
probably limp in those shoes too. They were pretty incredibly high.
“She likes to dance.”
“Well don’t we all,” I responded
into his very muscular chest.
The woman hailed a cab and we
were off on the motorcycle again following through mid-town traffic. Since Time Square was blocked off, it was
crowded from the diverted traffic. The cab stopped in front of a restaurant,
and the blond went inside, not limping anymore. Well, well.
Just then my phone rang. It was
Firemen Frank. Sitting on the back of a motorcycle, freezing my ass off, behind
my boss, my dream date calls me. Shit.
“Hello,” I answer.
“Happy New Year, Cari.” Frank
said cheerfully.
“Happy New Year right back at ya.”
“Say Cari, I know it’s last
minute, but ya know a few months ago, I mentioned we needed to talk.”
“Oh, yea right after the
earthquake. Not a good time.” And when was that in September.
“No it wasn’t a good time, but
say, if you’re not busy I’d like to meet up with you tonight.” He hesitated, “Ya
know to celebrate New Year’s.”
You have got to be kidding! He
calls me, three hours before the ball drops when I’m sitting on the back of a
motorcycle, following some blond woman who I hate because she’s beautiful, to
earn some extra cash. So this is when he calls for a date? Dio mi punisce
realmente stasera. Devo essere stato realmente cattivo in una vita passata. Really you don’t want to know.
Frank continues. “I ran into your
brother at Dom’s deli, and he said you were free.”
Okay, it’s bad enough he still
eats at my cousin’s deli, and he believes what comes out of my only brother in
Jersey, Serpico. And this is why he calls!?
“Um,” was all I could say.
“Then I called your mom.”
Can this get any worse? He called
my mom. Alcuni un colpo giusto me.
“Because your brother said you were over there
visiting and didn’t have any plans.” He said “Or that you were going out with
your sisters. Your mom said you guys were already in the city. But I can make it over there, pretty quickly.”
And this makes me dateless and
available, because? Okay it does, but that’s beside the point.
“Oh, I’m sorry I can’t. I’m
working.” I sighed into the phone, not sure if I should be disappointed or pissed.
It sounded like a lie. I mean, one
of those lies you tell when you don’t want to go out with someone or ever see
them again, because they’re going to figure out you’re lying and will hate you
for it.
“Working? Your mom said you're a
secretary for a P.I agency.
“No, I’m assistant and I’m
assisting my boss tonight.” Now that sounded just as stupid, as if it was a
lie.I rolled my eyes. My hole just got deeper.
I laid my forehead on Sean’s back, wishing I was somewhere else like Venice. That would have sounded so much
better, “No Frank I’m in Venice, ya know the one in Italy.”
“Okay, okay, maybe another time.”
Click.
Frank thought I was lying. Right,
then I hated P.I Sean.
“Damn it.” I cursed.
Sean looked his shoulder at me with those big
blue eyes, and said, “Man problems.”
“Is there any other kind?”
We sat there for however long it
was, when the blond came out with a male companion and caught a cab to a club,
when she exited the vehicle no more limping at all. Matter-of-fact- she did a
little be-bop up to the doorman, past the line and was given entrance immediately.
Okay, she liked to dance.
“We’ve got to get inside,” Sean
said.
“How? Neither one of us are dressed
for it. We couldn’t get past the front door.”
Sean parked, and we walked up a
very dark stinky alley and stopped at a very high window that was partially
open.The music from the nightclub bounced out of the window, thudding down the alley.
Sean smiled at me, “I’ll climb up
there and see where it goes.”
We pushed a dumpster under the
window. No one told me P.I work included moving garbage around. Sean climbed on
top and stood on a box to see in and ducked back down, and hissed, “It’s the
ladies john.”
Oh great I knew what that meant.
He jumped down. “I’ll lift you up.
You can fit through, and get inside sneak around take a video of her dancing,
and exit through the kitchen.”
“Where’s the kitchen?”
“I don’t know, but you’ll find it. Then you find me
out front.”
“I want a raise and bonus for
this.”
“We’ll get enough money for this
and you can have both.”
I climbed up on the dumpster with
Sean. He lifted me up, so I could grab the ledge, and place my feet on his
shoulders. I had to wait a couple of minutes because girls kept visiting the
room, and of course they had to talk, and touch up hair and make-up. Sean’s shoulders were
giving out. He started to lose his balance on the dumpster. When it was finally all clear, I was able to jump up and push my body through the open window. The force
pushed Sean back and he fell off the dumpster, screaming like a girl, into some stinky frozen water. It was nasty.
Just as I wiggled in through the window,
who should come be-bopping in but my sisters Jeanine and Delores fighting over
the shirt I lent Jeanine that now had a big red stain on it from some colorful
drink. They both stopped and stared at me half way through the window.
“Don’t just stare at me, but help
you idiots! And what happened to my shirt!?”
I yelled as they pulled me through the window.
Delores said, “If you wanted to
come here so badly I would have lent you the money so you wouldn’t have to
sneak in.”
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