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Sunday, January 22, 2012

New Year's Eve..The not so Dream Date...Part 1



      This is the first New Year’s Eve I’m single in three years. Last year I was with sexually confused Adam, who promptly dumped me, shortly thereafter. So this New Year’s I’m excited to be unattached and ready to party without a care in the world. Let me rephrase that, I do have a care. My bank account is at the same digit as the temperature outside, which I’m working to forget to enjoy the evening.
     My sisters, Delores, Lucinda and Jeanine arrive at my cousin Henry’s apartment, where I now reside, due to a fire that burnt up my life. Okay, time to think positive. Henry has gone to Venice Italy with his new boyfriend to ring in the New Year. They invited me, but there are two reasons I couldn’t go. Number 1, I don’t have any money. Number 2, I still don’t have any money. So I’m home in Manhattan ready to spend the evening with my three loopy sisters, their two friends, Tina and Joyce, and my BFF, Gabby visiting from South Carolina. The plan, or at least mine and Gabby’s, Time Square, watch the ball, and then find a place to eat, because of the money thing. Sisters and their friends are going clubbing, because they believe they are independently wealthy. I think the real truth is they plan on meeting someone in the square who will foot their bill. Not willing to go down that road and BFF is living with her boyfriend. We opted for trying to squeeze into a crowded eatery.
     The evening starts off with take-out Chinese, drinks, Delores and Jeanine fighting over the fact they are both wearing the same bargain teal shirt. Finally, I talked Jeanine into wearing a sample designer shirt Henry gave me (he works in the fashion industry). It pained me do so, because I know I’ll never see it again. It was worth it to end the argument about to turn in to a cat fight that included sharp objects from the kitchen.
      We finally get out the door, and who should be waiting out front, but my new boss, P.I Sean. He grabs me, and says, “I need you to work tonight.”
      “Work!?” I spat.
      “Yes, work. We’ve got a big job to follow a woman. Her insurance company is trying to catch her cheating on her disability.”
P.I Sean looked over at six pairs of eyes ogling his very cute self. “It’s a big pay day if we catch her.”
     “I’m your assistant, not a P.I.” I rolled my eyes, “You couldn’t call me sooner?”
    “I wasn’t sure it was going to happen today, and when it did, I just came over here, because I need you to be my date. Or pretend to be my date.”
    I sighed, “its New Year’s Eve, per l'amore di Pete, lei l'idiota.” Good thing he doesn’t understand Italian. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
     “Really I need you.”
     Okay, no boy, man or boss has ever said that to me. “Do I get paid?”
     He smirked, “Hell ya, of course. It’s over time.”
     He better mean it or I’ll get Tony the Squid on him, or better yet, Nona.  I looked over at the girls and let out a big fat exasperated breath, “Okay. This better be worth it.” I shook a finger at him, “The only reason I’m going with you is because I so desperately need money.” I continued to shake my finger, “I know people.”
     P.I Sean laughed as he pulled me towards his motorcycle, “Oh, I bet you do.”
     I told Gabby I’d call when this was over, and handed her the key to Henry’s as Sean motioned for me to climb behind him. This time I had on flat boots. No fear of ruining another pair of shoes. We stopped in front of an apartment building just around the block. We stood in the darkened doorway of the building across the street. Soon a woman came out, all glamed up for the evening in stilettos, a very short dress, I caught a glimpse of as she buttoned up coat. She pulled from the collar, long golden locks of hair. Sean pulled out a video camera and stared to film as he told me to face him as if we were in an embrace.
     “Look like your trying to stay warm.”
     It wasn’t too far off the mark, I was freezing.   
   “What’s the problem she’s limping?” I’d probably limp in those shoes too. They were pretty incredibly high.  
    “She likes to dance.”
    “Well don’t we all,” I responded into his very muscular chest.
    The woman hailed a cab and we were off on the motorcycle again following through mid-town traffic.  Since Time Square was blocked off, it was crowded from the diverted traffic. The cab stopped in front of a restaurant, and the blond went inside, not limping anymore. Well, well.  
    Just then my phone rang. It was Firemen Frank. Sitting on the back of a motorcycle, freezing my ass off, behind my boss, my dream date calls me. Shit.
    “Hello,” I answer.
    “Happy New Year, Cari.” Frank said cheerfully.
    “Happy New Year right back at ya.”
    “Say Cari, I know it’s last minute, but ya know a few months ago, I mentioned we needed to talk.”
    “Oh, yea right after the earthquake. Not a good time.” And when was that in September.
   “No it wasn’t a good time, but say, if you’re not busy I’d like to meet up with you tonight.” He hesitated, “Ya know to celebrate New Year’s.”
    You have got to be kidding! He calls me, three hours before the ball drops when I’m sitting on the back of a motorcycle, following some blond woman who I hate because she’s beautiful, to earn some extra cash. So this is when he calls for a date? Dio mi punisce realmente stasera. Devo essere stato realmente cattivo in una vita passata.  Really you don’t want to know.
     Frank continues. “I ran into your brother at Dom’s deli, and he said you were free.”
    Okay, it’s bad enough he still eats at my cousin’s deli, and he believes what comes out of my only brother in Jersey, Serpico. And this is why he calls!?
    “Um,” was all I could say.
    “Then I called your mom.”
    Can this get any worse? He called my mom. Alcuni un colpo giusto me. 
    “Because your brother said you were over there visiting and didn’t have any plans.” He said “Or that you were going out with your sisters. Your mom said you guys were already in the city. But I can make it over there, pretty quickly.”
     And this makes me dateless and available, because? Okay it does, but that’s beside the point.
     “Oh, I’m sorry I can’t. I’m working.” I sighed into the phone, not sure if I should be disappointed or pissed.
    It sounded like a lie. I mean, one of those lies you tell when you don’t want to go out with someone or ever see them again, because they’re going to figure out you’re lying and will hate you for it.    
    “Working? Your mom said you're a secretary for a P.I agency.
    “No, I’m assistant and I’m assisting my boss tonight.” Now that sounded just as stupid, as if it was a lie.I rolled my eyes. My hole just got deeper.
     I laid my forehead on Sean’s back, wishing I was somewhere else like Venice. That would have sounded so much better, “No Frank I’m in Venice, ya know the one in Italy.”
    “Okay, okay, maybe another time.” Click.
    Frank thought I was lying. Right, then I hated P.I Sean.
    “Damn it.” I cursed.
    Sean looked his shoulder at me with those big blue eyes, and said, “Man problems.”
    “Is there any other kind?”
   We sat there for however long it was, when the blond came out with a male companion and caught a cab to a club, when she exited the vehicle no more limping at all. Matter-of-fact- she did a little be-bop up to the doorman, past the line and was given entrance immediately. Okay, she liked to dance.
    “We’ve got to get inside,” Sean said.
    “How? Neither one of us are dressed for it. We couldn’t get past the front door.”
    Sean parked, and we walked up a very dark stinky alley and stopped at a very high window that was partially open.The music from the nightclub bounced out of the window, thudding down the alley.
    Sean smiled at me, “I’ll climb up there and see where it goes.”
   We pushed a dumpster under the window. No one told me P.I work included moving garbage around. Sean climbed on top and stood on a box to see in and ducked back down, and hissed, “It’s the ladies john.”
    Oh great I knew what that meant.
    He jumped down. “I’ll lift you up. You can fit through, and get inside sneak around take a video of her dancing, and exit through the kitchen.”
    “Where’s the kitchen?”
    “I don’t know, but you’ll find it. Then you find me out front.”
    “I want a raise and bonus for this.”
    “We’ll get enough money for this and you can have both.”
    I climbed up on the dumpster with Sean. He lifted me up, so I could grab the ledge, and place my feet on his shoulders. I had to wait a couple of minutes because girls kept visiting the room, and of course they had to talk, and touch up hair and make-up. Sean’s shoulders were giving out. He started to lose  his balance on the dumpster. When it was finally all clear, I was able to jump up and push my body through the open window. The force pushed Sean back and he fell off the dumpster, screaming like a girl, into some stinky frozen water. It was nasty. 
    Just as I wiggled in through the window, who should come be-bopping in but my sisters Jeanine and Delores fighting over the shirt I lent Jeanine that now had a big red stain on it from some colorful drink. They both stopped and stared at me half way through the window.
    “Don’t just stare at me, but help you idiots! And what happened to my shirt!?”  I yelled as they pulled me through the window.
    Delores said, “If you wanted to come here so badly I would have lent you the money so you wouldn’t have to sneak in.”

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