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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dear Author/ Don't bore me with language

Dear Author,

A big ole Zzzzzzzzzzzzz for period language. 

I’m a big reader. Since I have a ton of time, that was once occupied by my sexually confused ex-boyfriend. Now I fill it with reading. So as a reader and not a author, I’m going to give a little advice to authors. Yeah, they’re all going, what do you know, you’re not a author. But I am a reader. I’m the customer, who makes your pay check. A piece of advice, if you’re writing a historical, (not my fav, but I read them), don’t use period language. It’s a big snoozer. Zzzzzzzzz! I rarely finish a book that is filled with language of the period. A little here and there, but not the entire book. Again, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Capisca!

None of those long boring speeches, that name all kinds of long boring names, just say it like it is. Just go for it, I mean don’t have your Scottish Highlander from the 1600’s, say, “Dude, put down the big ass sword!” But you know what I mean, make it so at least this regular everyday Para-legal Italian, who wants to be an attorney, can understand what the hell, is going on, other then a good ole fashion sword fight, or sex among the heather.

Gees, quit with the language! It’s easier to read without it. It's distracting, very distracting. That way someone like me can get through the book a lot quicker, in-which time I can move on to supporting another author.

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