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Monday, July 25, 2011

Michele Bachmann, Praying the gay away

     I’m not much of a political person. I listen to the news maybe twice a week, and read the internet for news maybe twice a week, when my officer manager and nemesis, Charlene isn’t looking. So it could be a lot less. Other than that, I don’t pay much attention, until Michele Bachmann announced her candidacy for the President. I had the same response to her announcement, that I did three or so years ago of Sarah Palin’s. Say what? Say who? With an occasional, Oh those colors look great on her, I wonder who does her closet?
     Since I’m not a politico, I decided to pay a bit more attention, beyond the suit that looked fabulous, to listen to this woman. Being a woman, I’d like to see a female President at least before I’m 90yrs and can’t appreciate the whole adventure, because I’ll probably be put away in a home somewhere. Anyhoo, I decided for once to listen, because she was a woman. Admittedly, I can’t stand Palin, so I was hoping for something better, like someone who knows their history, and wasn’t averse to putting ones foot in mouth.
     I haven’t heard much, only that her and her husband run some kind of clinic in Minnesota, to try to pray the gay out of homosexuals. Well this did make me sit up and listen since a few months ago my now ex-boyfriend, Adam, dumped me for a guy. He claimed he had been sexually confused for years, and finally found his calling. I never saw any confusion, especially in the bedroom. So I was the one confused. No amount of praying I believe could save Adam or our relationship, it was a done deal. He wanted to be ‘friends’ and I wanted to poke him in the eye and put Tony the Squid on him. I was mad, not because he dumped me for a guy, but because he dumped me! I felt like I wasted three years on his confused sorry ass. If he would have said something a lot sooner, I would have, ‘maybe’ fell for the ‘friend’ thingy, and we’d be cool. No need for sore knees at the altar.
     My cousin Henry is gay. When he announced this to the family at a Sunday dinner when he was 18yrs old, we all just looked up at him, my pop and uncles mumbled something, the women nodded and Nona passed the pasta and complained about her weekly poker game, not going so well. She was losing a lot, hadn’t figured how to cheat yet.  
    We all knew Henry was gay. We knew it when he was six and designing clothes for Barbie dolls. My aunt was actually relieved, because of the family’s long standing history of cops or firemen. She knew Henry would do something much safer. And he has, he's right hand man to a prestigious clothing designer, travels the world, lives in a nice flat in Manhattan, and throws great dinner parties. That once in a while I get invited. All us girls, get his fashion advice, coming styles, knock offs, and throw downs. Oh, and the shoes!! He’s always texting me a great deal in the garment district, and to get my happy butt down there to scoop them up. Any of us can call Henry for any advice on anything in our lives! We adore him beyond the fashion.
     I would tackle anyone, rip their arm off and beat them with a bloody stump for even trying to pray Henry's gay away. This is serious business! He’s my fashion go to guy! Oh, l'umanità di tutto! Besides, Henry would not be Henry if was anything but gay. He's kind, a good listener, (I spent a weekend crying over Adam on his couch), and he's flamboyantly funny. Henry finds the humor in just about anything, heterosexual, and beyond. His mother loves him dearly, and as a family we are proud of his success. He's the only Russo who lives in Manhattan, in a posh flat, he owns. 
     As for Michele's migraines, which seems to be the big deal for most, being President seems to be one big headache of a job. I'm surprised on a average day their brains don't explode. My only real concern about Michele, is all her followers will drop to their knees and pray away gays. Which for me would mean I'd loose Henry the fashionesta and well, Henry. He'd probably start designing clothes for cops and firemen on duty!  As for Adam, if all the praying actually worked,  he might come knocking on my door, asking for forgiveness.  La molto idea mi acceca!
     So Michele, sorry to tell you girl, you're off my list of possible Presidents, you're messing with a Russo.

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