Tuesday, July 19, 2011
A new roommate
Damn, my roommate, who is my BFF, announced that she is moving out in the middle of August to follow her boyfriend to North Carolina, where he’s taking a new job. Most of the time, I love this guy and have a bit of girl envy, over BFF’s good catch. But right now all he’s getting from me is the stink-eye. How dare he take a job outside of Jersey, even though he’s been unemployed for a year. Still, how dare he do this! I’ll have to get Tony the Squid on him, or better yet, Nona.
I guess it doesn’t come as any surprise. I thought they’d get married before now, but BFF isn’t ready. But she’s ready to move out of Jersey! She’ll have to find a new job down there too. Since she hates her current job, it all works out.
This will be tough, since we became friends at NYU, and been roomies ever since. I bemoaned BFF leaving me, and not just moving out, she's leaving me to my sister Lucinda. Who says all perky, “Hey, I want to move out. I’ll be your roommate.”
My response wasn’t so perky. Where I loved BFF’s boyfriend, I don’t care for Lucinda's Lorenzo, the guido, (I know not a nice Italian term, but I can’t help myself.) Lorenzo is what we call in the Italian community a ‘magnaccia’. Translation, a leach. I know I’d see way too much of his Jersey Shore fan club deep fried self. Oh, he comes with hair with so much product in it, a stick of dynamite wouldn’t ruffle it. I just can’t see Lucinda running her fingers over his wavy locks, she’d probably get cut.
Lucinda also seems to forget I lived with her for 18yrs, and I know what that’s really like. My mom is thrilled with the idea, because the only words any of us can find to describe Lucinda, is pure chaos. She finds chaos in making spaghetti, which usually leads to a giant mess, especially when she decides to fling it on the wall to see if it’s done. The problem with this habit, she forgets about the dangling pasta, left to dry up to resemble a pale worm.
With BFF, we have a system to doing everything. She’s fairly neat, and so am I. But Lucinda, is in a class of her own when it comes to neatness, like it doesn’t exist. She doesn’t do laundry, she just buys new stuff. Although, she has some really cute shoes we often share.
Yikes what am I saying! OMG, Lorenzo would be over a lot. Like he's at my parent’s all the time, much to pop’s unhappiness. It’s the magnaccia thingy.
In the end I said yes, because by mid-August when BFF’s bags are packed and her happy ass is on its way to NC, I’ll be desperate. Per favore Dio mi risparmia da questa collera!
Crossing myself and saying a prayer. Oh, emme, this is going to be wild ride.
Vederla sul retro!