Friday, August 12, 2011
The Black Eye
Sorry for the absence. I’ve gotten lots of e-mails asking where I’ve been. Well, first I got sick with a bad flu that kept me in bed puking in a bucket for few days. Nona showed up with chicken soup, which helped. What didn’t help she decided to clean my apartment, and almost, let James T. Parakeet out the window. She did laundry, and I still can’t find my biancheria intima.
Then on the day I was feeling better my sister Lucinda moved into my apartment. Chaos rained like a downpour. Pure and simple chaos. Then Lorenzo decided to cook. He just started culinary school and now thinks he's Bobby Flay. If he wants to stay on my good side, he better be able to cook like him.
Anyhoo, he slams his knife into the pit of an avocado, all chef like. Attempts to pop that baby out, and it came loose alright. A little too much muscle big guy. His arm flew back, pit attached to the knife, let loose and slapped me right in the eye. It was kind of hard to explain to the emergency room nurse I was attacked by avocado pit.
I had one hell of a nice shiner. Haven’t had one like that since I got into a cat fight with Olivia Cano in the eighth grade, over Paulie Gaffaloni. Paulie wasn’t worth the trouble I got into, or the black eye Olivia gave me. They're married now, and Olivia looks like she's had three kids in four years.
This time my eye was black, blue and swollen shut. I couldn’t see, which meant I couldn’t write. It hurt too much to open my eye. I honestly, felt sorry for Lorenzo, he’s already on the bad side of the Russo’s and this didn’t help. My brothers were gunning for him, literally. He won’t show up to Sunday dinner for awhile, much to my pop’s joy.
Now like the avocado pit my eye is kind of greenish and yellow, sort-a-rainbowish.
I’ll be back next week, in full swing with opinions, books and a jaundice eye.
Vederla sul retro